Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Five stages of Conflict and how you can overcome



           






       “It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.-William G. McAdoo” (www.quotegarden.com). No matter whom you are or where you are, conflict will exist because it is human nature. People will always fight, argue, and disagree on any number of topics. The key to get through any type of situation where argument arises is through effective communication. In the following paragraphs I will be explaining one situation where there was conflict and how it pertained to the five stages of a constructive conflict that is explained in our text book.

            The conflict that I will be discussing with you is an argument that I have had recently with my husband Derek. According to our text book there are five stages that a constructive conflict goes through. The first is called the prelude to conflict. “The prelude to conflict consists of the variables that make conflict possible between those involved.” (Cahn D.D, Abigail R. A. 2014). The variables can and will include age, sex, relationship of participants, bystanders, and a physical or social environment. In this case the conflict occurred between me and my husband. So the variables where between male and female, ages of 28-30, relationship is married and environment is driving in car on the way to a birthday party.

            The second stage is called the Triggering event. “The triggering event or conflict stimulus is a behavior that the parties in the conflict point to as the issue, problem, or focal point of the conflict.”(Cahn D.D, Abigail R. A. 2014) Often times when it comes to a triggering event it will start at one point for one person and start at another point for the other party. So far my conflict that occurred between me and my husband started when he brought up the subject of football. He told me he was so excited that football season was starting and he would be spending every single Sunday with his friends. Then I replied not every Sunday because I may have plans one Sunday where he would then be responsible for watching the children. This triggered the conflict that rose between us.

            The third stage which is the initiation of conflict directly follows the triggering event. “The initiation phase or response occurs when the conflict becomes overt. This happens when at least one person makes known to the other that a conflict exists, such as reacting to another’s upsetting comment, pointing out the offensive nature of the others behavior, or reminding of the other that she or he is expected to do something the person is not doing.” (Cahn D.D, Abigail R. A. 2014). This occurred when Derek informed me that if I had something to do one Sunday then I was responsible for finding a baby sitter for my children because he will otherwise be occupied. This made my emotions and blood pressure sky rocket because in my mind it was not right for him to just take one day off every single week and one time I may need him to watch kids he was unwilling to do that for me.

            The fourth stage is called the differentiation phase. “The differentiation phase or ongoing interaction pattern occurs when the participants use constructive or destructive strategies and tactics, presenting both sides of the story, moving back and forth, and escalating and de-escalating the conflict.” (Cahn D.D, Abigail R. A. 2014). This is where the bulk of the argument and or conflict occur. So in this instance my husband and I went back and forth arguing about why he regardless will be busy every Sunday and I will have to be responsible to find a babysitter. He argued that he only asks for one day a week for just the season of football and that I should accept it and deals with it. Where I argued that I ask for no breaks at all during the year and that he should at least give me one Sunday even if it’s during the football season if I need him.

            The fifth and final stage is called the resolution phase. “The resolution phase or outcome occurs when those involved accept some outcome to the conflict.”(Cahn D.D, Abigail R. A. 2014). In any type of conflict situation the ideal outcome would be for both parties to leave the conflict happy and for it to be resolved. This sometimes does not occur and the conflict is put on the back burner until it arises again in the future because nothing was resolved. Unfortunately when it came to the argument with my husband this is what happened. After continuously arguing our points back and forth we arrived at the party without any type of resolution. It has not been brought up since then and will most likely occur in the future when I need him to watch the kids on a Sunday.

            In conclusion, no matter what conflict that you go through there are stages. These stages can determine how the course of the argument can go. Through communication all conflict can be resolved or in some cases not resolved but left for another day. This paper was used to inform you of the different stages and what can occur during a conflict.

















References:


Cahn D.D., & Abigail, R.A. (2014) Managing Conflict through Communication (5th ed.) Boston, MA :Pearson Education, Inc

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