“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.”(www.quotegarden.com). Conflict can happen to anyone, anywhere, and at any time. It can
happen in your personal life along with your professional life. Communication
is necessary to resolving any and all conflicts that may occur. Throughout our
course in Communication and Conflict we have learned a lot about how to
communicate with others and how to deal with conflict situations. In this paper
we will be discussing five different topics that have to do with conflict and
communications. We will be discussing why conflict occurs, managing conflict,
role of personality types in management, communication techniques, and stress
and anger. In addition to this I will also be providing a conflict situation
that I have experienced in my life. I will provide my own personal “best
practices” approach to conflict resolution.
The first thing that we need to look
at is why conflict occurs, what exactly conflict is, and what an example of a
personal and professional conflict can be. According to www.dictionary.com conflict can be defined as, “to come
into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in
opposition; clash.” However, I believe that conflict is really so broad that it
can be defined as many things and have many different variables. For example,
as we have learned in our text book there are two different forms of conflict.
These include interpersonal and intrapersonal conflict. “We define interpersonal
conflict as a problematic situation with the following four unique
characteristics:
- 1. the conflicting parties are interdependent,
- 2. they have the perception that
they seek incompatible goals or outcomes or they favor incompatible
means to the same ends,
- 3. the perceived incompatibility
has the potential to adversely affect the relationship if not
addressed, and
- 4. there is a sense of
urgency about the need to resolve the difference.”(Cahn D.D., &
Abigail, R. A 2014).
A lot of times interpersonal conflict will occur
with family members or close friends. For example a mother and daughter can be
having a conflict over how the daughter chooses to dress. The mother could
claim that the daughters outfit is too revealing where the daughter perceives
the mother to be over bearing and uptight. This in turn leads to negative
emotions and issues between mother and daughter. “Conflict is associated with
various, mostly negative, emotions which may also be felt and expressed
differently across cultures.” (M.K.K 1997). Intrapersonal conflict can occur
through communication. But what exactly causes conflict to occur? Could it be
how someone acts, looks, reacts, or communicates? “When looking for the cause
of a conflict, it is important to consider expanding our awareness of the
problematic situation to include the feelings, beliefs, and attitudes of those
who engage in the conflict. Psychodynamic, attribution, and uncertainty
conflict theories, generated by researchers in psychology, social psychology,
and communication, have focused on individual psychological processes, or what
individuals bring to the interpersonal conflict situation and how that impacts
the conflict process.” (Cahn D.D., & Abigail R.A. 2014). Bottom line is
that conflict can be caused by numerous amounts of things. I have already given you an example above for
a personal conflict between a mother and a daughter. But now I will give you an
example of a conflict that can happen professionally.
Two coworkers are given a task to complete as a
team. Both coworkers have different ideas on how the task should be completed.
Both workers believe that their way is the best way and would like to get
acknowledged for their completion of the task. This now has turned into a
competition for the coworkers and thus became a conflict.
This example will lead us to our next topic which
will be how to manage the conflict once it occurs. As we know from our earlier
topic conflict can occur for many reasons, happen at any time, and effect
people in different ways. But all is not lost because there are ways to manage
and deal with conflict. “We define conflict management as
the communication behavior a person employs based on his or her analysis of a
conflict situation. Another concept, conflict resolution, refers to only
one alternative in which parties solve a problem or issue and expect it not to
arise again.” (Cahn D.D., & Abigail R.A 2014). Communication is very
important when it comes to conflict. How you can communicate and deal with
another person is crucial in conflict management. There are five phases that
someone goes through when communicating and processing a conflict. These phases
include prelude to conflict, triggering event, initiation phase,
differentiation phase, and resolution phase. A prelude to a conflict involves
the different variables that would affect a conflict. For example age, sex,
relationship, bystanders, and social environment. Triggering event is when the
actual conflict occurs and the two parties are aware of the issue and problem. Initiation
phase this is when one party of the two conflicting lets them know that there
is indeed a problem. The differentiation phase is when destructive or
constructive communication and tactics occur. The last phase which is the
resolution phase is when both parties accept the outcome of the conflict.
Now that we know how the conflict
is managed through communication we will learn a technique that is used to help
resolve the conflict. The technique that I will be talking about is the S-TLC
system. “The S-TLC system is an acronym for Stop, Think,
Listen, and Communicate. By following these four steps, you can often resolve
interpersonal conflicts through basic communication skills.”(Cahn D.D, &
Abigail R.A. 2014). This will help you
to prepare to solve the conflict through constructive communication. You are
forced to stop and consider what you would like to get accomplished. Think
about how to approach the situation and communicate what you would like to say.
Listen to what the other person has to say and take it to heart without letting
emotions get in the way. Communicate how to resolve the situation after hearing
both sides calmly.
It can also be explained that
managing conflict can be easier and more beneficial through a team atmosphere.
“Van de Vliert et al. (1995) hypothesized and found support for the effect of
conflict management on relational outcomes (e.g. mutual trust and quality of
personal relationships), which are conceptually related to team satisfaction.
This empirical evidence suggests that teams with higher levels of conflict
management may be likely to develop greater levels of cohesion and a more
satisfactory team experience.” (Pazos, P. 2012). This explains that by talking
it out through communication groups tend to work with one another to resolve
conflicts. These ways of resolving conflict can be used in your personal and
professional life. It is all about the way that you communicate is how you
manage your conflict situations.
Can personality types
affect conflict management? Personality roles can have a huge outcome on
conflict and conflict situations. There are people that are more aggressive and
people that are more passive. This can affect not only how they deal with a
conflict situation but how they manage the conflict. For example if a couple is
having a fight and one person has a more aggressive personality a lot of times
fights can be heated and tend to get out of hand. “It is widely established
that five broad dimensions represent the essential aspects of human
personality. These five factors are frequently called ‘The Big Five’ and
consist of extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional
stability(or ‘neuroticism’), and openness to experience (sometimes labeled
intellect’).”(Anderson, M.H 2009). It is explained that these five types of
personality show how people deal with conflict situations. For example people
with emotional stability tend to be calm, relaxed, and have an even temper. So
when they are dealing with a conflict situation they tend to be the type to sit
back and let the other one communicate while they calmly take everything in and
decide the best way to deal with the situation. “The establishment of the
Five-Factor Model of Personality has led to a dramatic advance in understanding
of how stable individual differences affect virtually every are of
organizational behavior, including such diverse topics as work performance,
leadership, creativity, and expatriate success.” (Anderson, M.H 2009). Personality
does not just affect people individually but can affect a group dynamic also.
When you have groups of people working together in a professional atmosphere
you will have many different personality types. Because there are so many
different people with personality types that they can tend to interfere with
the work place group dynamic. With understanding how personality can affect
conflict we can better understand how to manage it. By staying committed to a
mutual goal and through compromise and understanding different personalities
can be managed. A compromise is explained to be, “a settlement of differences by
mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or
opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.”(www.dictionary.com).
There are
several communication techniques that can be used towards conflict management. These
include avoiding/accommodating communication, competing communication,
passive-aggressive conflict communication, and assertive communication. Avoiding/Accommodating
communication can be used for people that tend to not want to have a lot of
confrontation when it comes to conflict. “Similar to avoidance, accommodating
means smoothing over conflicts, obliging others, and not making waves. People
may say what they want or feel but are quick to give in to the other.” (Cahn
D.D, & Abigail R.A 2014). This technique is often used when people are not
trying to let emotions get involved in a conflict. Competing communication
occurs when both parties in a conflict are not backing down. Both parties can
engage in yelling, screaming, physical damage, and emotional damage with one
another. In a sense both people are competing at all costs to be the ‘winners’
of the conflict. Sometimes this can lead to the conflict not being resolved.
But other times it can be just what a conflict needs to be managed. It can be
explained as, “Schismogenesis (the escalation of the cycle) occurs when
the behaviors of one person intensify the behaviors of another person.
Schismogenesis is complementary in nature when the exchanges balance each other
(e.g., as one person becomes more dominant, the other becomes more submissive;
as one person shows off, the other becomes more admiring, which leads to more
exhibitionism.”(Cahn D.D., & Abigail R.A 2014). The next communication technique will be the
passive/aggressive technique. “We define passive–aggressive communication
as the ability to impose one’s will on others through the use of verbal or
nonverbal acts that appear to avoid an open conflict or accommodate to the
desires of others, but in actuality are carried out with the intention of inflicting
physical or psychological pain, injury, or suffering. When people engage in
passive–aggressive communication, they do not openly and directly stand up for
their interests, concerns, or rights, but attempt to get what they want by
underhanded means or sabotage.” (Cahn D.D., & Abigail R.A. 2014). Sometimes
people will use this to win a conflict by using underhand ways to achieve it.
For example if a coworker wants another coworker to do something, instead of
having a confrontation and conflict with one another the coworker will go their
boss and give them the idea to get the other coworker to do it. This a form of
sabotage on the coworkers part because they are not being aggressive or
assertive but tricking someone else into doing it. The last communication
technique is Assertive communication. Sometimes assertive communication can be
considered the best technique in order to manage a conflict situation. “Assertive
Communication When people choose not to engage in avoiding/accommodating,
competing, or passive–aggressive conflict communication and instead choose assertiveness
by speaking up about their concerns, interests, and needs, they and their
partners may both win, which is the essence of the collaborative approach to
conflict management.”
(Cahn D.D., & Abigail R.A.
2014). To be assertive does not mean to be aggressive. It just means that you
are going to say what you need to say and when you need to say it.
The last and
final topic that we will be discussing in this paper is will be how stress and
anger can effect communication and conflict. Almost everyone at one point in
time in their life has experienced the effects of stress and anger. It can be
emotionally and physically draining. You can experience stress and anger in
your personal and professional life. “Three significant internal threats
include employee stress, anger, and violence. In many cases, anger and violence
are rooted in workplace stress.” (Kamery, R. H. 2004). When workers are
stressed or angry they can let their emotions get the better of them. This can
cause decreased productivity and cause emotional outbursts. Communication can
be very hard with someone who is suffering from stress and anger because they tend
to lash out at others. This can not only affect the parties involved but can
affect the whole workplace dynamic. How do you know if someone is suffering
from anger or workplace stress? “Symptoms of job stress include irritability,
decreased productivity, and difficulty concentrating and focusing on job
assignments.”(Kamery R. H, 2004). There are ways however to decrease these
levels of stress and anger. A manager or fellow worker can step in and try to
effectively communicate with the person suffering from stress. The S-TLC system
discussed earlier is a good technique to try and deal with someone suffering
from stress. It lets everyone take a breather and really think about what kind
of conflict or situation is happening. This way it can be resolved and the
stress and anger can be decreased. This will then result in coworkers being
happy and productivity being restored.
I personally
have experienced conflict with my husband numerous of times. But this one time
in particular stands out to me that I should share. My husband has a tendency
to try and get a new car every two years. I keep telling him that it is
economically stupid to keep buying a new car when there is nothing wrong with
the old car. We got into a huge disagreement when he attempted to get another
new car. The conflict occurred because he wanted the new car and I did not want
the new car because I thought it was a waste of money. Our conversation
immediately got heated with us yelling at one another. However, I took a step
back and followed the S-TLC system. I stopped, thought, listened, and
communicated my frustration with him. He did the same thing and after
communicating what we wanted we both agreed on a compromise. Instead of buying
the new vehicle he now leases the car that way it is more financially sound and
he can still get a new car every two years if he wants.
In
conclusion, conflict can occur at any point and at any time. There are ways to
manage conflict, effectively communicate, manage stress and anger, and solve
problems for your personal and professional life. I discussed a few of these
things today. No matter what just remember how you communicate can determine
how a conflict is resolved.
References:
Cahn D. D, & Abigail, R.A. (2014)
Managing conflict through Communication (5th ed) Boston, MA :
Pearson Education, Inc
